


Ode To A Tremendous Arse

by oorsprong



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkwardness, Bad Poetry, Butts, Crack, M/M, Touching, hux is a weirdo, hux is me, kylo puts up with so much, let him touch the butt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 13:14:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10438488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oorsprong/pseuds/oorsprong
Summary: General Hux longs to touch the butt.  He writes a poem about the butt.  Kylo Ren suffers.





	

 

“Ren, we’ve been meeting in empty rooms and corridors for weeks to kiss.  I think it’s time we took this a step further.”

 

Hux crossed his arms over his chest as though on the defensive.  Kylo smiled behind the mask.  Of course.  The general’s charming reluctance to progress into the physical couldn’t last forever.  Kylo could only read so many bizarre hand-written poems snuck into his quarters filled with flowery language that he could only half-decipher.  Surely there might be more to it than the thrill of taking the gloves off and touching hands while they kissed.  It was time to usher Hux into a whole new type of intimacy.

 

With a hiss the mask came off.  “You have no idea how I’ve longed to hear you say that, General,” he purred.  “Should we retire to the bedroom?”

 

“What?”  Hux fixed him with a quizzical look.  “No, that would be improper.  We only declared our mutual interest seventeen and a half weeks ago.  

 

Someday Kylo would find whatever centuries old manual from a sex-stunted backwater planet that Hux had learned about romance from and have it outlawed so that no one in the galaxy would ever have to go through this again.

 

“Of course, Hux.  How do you suggest we proceed?”  

 

Hux clapped his hands together once and then withdrew from a pocket in his greatcoat a slip of actual paper.  Kylo’s face fell.

 

“I don’t know how to say this but as much as I appreciated the last six poems about my eyes I feel like we’ve gotten past the basics.  Couldn’t we just… kiss a little?  Maybe you could take your coat off and make yourself comfortable?”

 

Hux slowly removed his coat and hung it over the back of the chair beside him, his eyes trained on Kylo.  “I will indeed.  And I would see you shirtless as well,” he added, his voice pitched a little higher than usual.

 

Ah, perhaps Hux required this slow buildup.  With a smirk Kylo removed his tunic and the smaller top beneath it.  He flexed a little, enjoying himself.  Surely Hux would be unable to resist touching.

 

“Turn around,” Hux commanded, making a motion with his finger.  Kylo turned and heard the faintest intake of breath from behind him.  Really?  He supposed his back was nice enough but Hux seemed to be taking this to an extreme.

 

“Oh.. your trousers are even a bit tighter than I imagined.”

 

It was all Kylo could do to keep from bursting into laughter.  “Do you want to see what’s under them?”  He wiggled his hips suggestively as he turned back around and Hux yelped and brought a hand to his eyes.

 

“Don’t be lewd!  You’ll destroy the atmosphere I’m trying to create.  I’ve written another poem to favour you with.  Please stand still and listen.  Let it…  _ seduce _ you.

 

“...Sure.”

 

Hux cleared his throat and took the page in hands that clearly trembled.  Kylo tried not to roll his eyes.

 

“I call it… Ode To A Tremendous Arse.”

 

Oh no.

 

> _ “The softest silk would pale to the expanse of skin upon it _
> 
> _ I would touch it in the morning, I would touch it in the evening, I would touch it in the dead of night _
> 
> _ My hands unworthy _
> 
> _ I bleat like a bantha at the thought of your response _
> 
> _ Would you quiver and cry beneath my fingers _
> 
> _ Would the warmth of each perfect curve beg a kiss _
> 
> _ Would you quell the fire in my heart that longs to SQUEEZE and GRASP _
> 
> _ I touch every mole-- nowhere is safe _
> 
> _ My hands flame with desire _
> 
> _ Like birds on fire, like the Muh-oi-oiw of Grni _
> 
> _ Wings spreading to encompass the globes of your arse _
> 
> _ A garden of delight between your back and thigh _
> 
> _ My only reward” _

 

Hux carefully refolded the page and slipped it back into his pocket.

 

“Does it tempt you?”

 

“Are you asking me to show you my ass?  Because you don’t need to do… whatever that was.”

 

“Ren,” Hux breathed, “if you were to uncover it for me in this very room I could not contain my joy and perhaps I might even… touch it?”  

 

For a moment Kylo just stared at him.

 

“So I should take my pants off?”

 

“Oh please,” Hux said, nodding fervently.  “But I only ask for a glimpse.  Please bend over the arm of the chair and slowly reveal it to me.”

 

The thought that Hux might be gearing up for some kind of perversion he’d been hiding had crossed his mind several times, but this was something else entirely.

 

“You aren’t going to spank me… are you?”

 

“I would  _ never, _ ” Hux cried, “never visit any harm upon such a splendid pair of buttocks!  Unless of course you asked me to,” he added shyly.

 

Oh good, a kink of some sort he could hold on for reassurance that Hux wasn’t preparing him for a lifetime of awkward chaste interactions.

 

Feeling a bit put out by the whole thing Kylo carefully bent over the chair beside Hux with his ass in the air and unfastened his trousers, grateful that the poem had killed his erection.  Feeling more than a little foolish he slowly slid them down, revealing the top of his asscrack.  Behind him Hux squeaked.

 

“Are you going to be okay?  Do I need to summon a medic?”

 

“Ren, I must touch it.”

 

“Be my guest.”

 

A lone fingertip prodded one cheek and then stroked it.  Hux gasped.  “Oh… Ren.  Please redress before I lose what little control I have.”

 

With a sigh Kylo pushed off the chair and pulled up his pants.

 

“Perhaps,” Hux said, his voice cracking, “we might reconvene in a week and I might… put my finger in the divide?”  His eyes widened, making him look slightly unhinged

 

Kylo shot him a tight smile.  “As you like, General.”

 

Forget the manual, he was going to burn the whole damn planet.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
